i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
