There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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