Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
