There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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