Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
