I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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