I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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