some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
