im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
