Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
