My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
