Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
