god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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