come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
