Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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