Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
