I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
