Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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