I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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