you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
