So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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