i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
birth control should be required to get into college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
whose ass print is on the piano?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
