I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
