we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
