Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
