In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
