every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
