she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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