Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
