sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
