Betty ford says i'm here all night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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