Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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