First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
