Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
