If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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