do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
