How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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