So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
