Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
