take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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