I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
