you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
