OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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