She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ate ashes out of my bong
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
