peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
