How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
