Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
