But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
