If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
