Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
