he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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